Better Off Alone

I'm good at being alone.

Not until recently did I come to realize how I've developed from a girl who gets scared to sit alone in a coffee shop to the girl who has mastered self-reliance. As odd as it actually sounds, I enjoy solitude. I've grown a fond of taking myself out to lunch or dinner, I've gone to watch movies by myself a bunch of times and I've had countless solo travels. If I'm not mistaken, it actually began when I read and reblogged a tumblr post back in midyear of 2011, and it was then just announced that Perks of Being a Wallflower was going to be in the big screens. It was about a dare to go watch movie all alone, to fully comprehend precisely how Charlie felt. And so I did. After a while, it was just bewildering to find myself increasingly craving to be alone. I like to go out on my own and observe people, ponder on my own thoughts and basically have an uninterrupted adventure, all by myself.

Sometimes, being the quiet also sort of makes you one of the best listeners around. If you come to think of it, there's nothing really wrong with giving more time for yourself or shopping for longer hours, having your favorite meal all to yourself or not being scared or shy to cry over a universally hated movie which you happen to really like.

social selectivity

In this age of hyper-connectivity, it has become too easy to build new relationships. Despite that fact, we must also not forget that we do have a say on who we choose to call as genuine friends and to spend our time with. Every now and then, I do struggle to socialize. I feel so bothered when I'm stuck on a boring conversation or when it's my turn to talk and I'm unable to give myself a validation that that certain someone whom I'm talking to is actually interested on what I do, what I like or just anything about myself for that matter. It's not like I don't want to have any friends (I mean, come on, who doesn't?), it's more of refusing to go on mediocre relationships.

being alone vs. being lonely

There are plenty of ways to describe someone's character but two qualities we are frequently unable to differentiate are our inclination towards being alone vs. inclination towards being lonely.

In a recent column by Frederick Tran under The Shorthorn, he mentioned,

"Being lonely is the aching you feel in your heart, the longing to belong to a group or a place. It’s that heavy, dulling, constant thud in your chest that follows you around like a lost child from class to class, a near impossible feeling to shake off. Loneliness is reminding you of everything good being sucked out by the giant vacuum we call life. Loneliness is something we often have no control over. Being alone, however, is different. Being alone is a liberating choice we make for ourselves. Being alone is being content with your own company, which is freeing in the isolation."

Oftentimes, people still do interrelate self-indepence with the disposition towards choosing to be obscure. Yet even more often are the times we neglect to recognize that being alone isn't about lacking companionship because there are really people who find more energy in spending more time with just themselves. Being alone is an objective state but most people automatically perceive aloneness as a bad thing. It either means you’re anti-social, or unwanted, neither of which are a good position to be in. And in those times, we fail to remember that spending time alone is actually an effective method of actively engaging with what we want and with the possibilities of what we could be, which I believe is healthy and should be more encouraged.

From a girl who prefers to spend more time in one corner to another, 

XO Tienne